Dear papa,

Mehr turns four. It is also the beginning of time we spent together. The last time we spent together. I always have regret that I threw that time away. I wish I had somehow been better at being me. Better at being chuti-muti.

In four days I will be dropping mummy off at ATL. The last time I dropped you two off I lost one of you. I am a bit scared and I am not ready to loose the only other parent that I have. I dont know what I will do without you both.

Evertime Dhruv smiles looking in space being animated and responding to something that I can not see, I want to think that it is you having a moment with him. He feels your love and sees you. Something that I can not. I miss you papa.

I will miss mummy too when she leaves.

Sometimes I feel alone. I know I am not. I want you in my life back.

Miss you 

Dear Papa,

Today is mummy's birthday. I miss you especially today. The weather has been grey and cold. Mummy has also been missing you or at least being herself  as she was 'before'.
I wish you were here with us. Life does not give you second chances. It is very categoric like that. Death also does not. The finality sucks the life out of you literally.
I was there was one more chance to tell you all that I want to. I wish there was one more chance to hold you and hug you. To have you pat my head one more time.

I wish you could see and talk to Mehr as she is now. You would have enjoyed sparring with her and she would love to talk to you too. There is so much she is going to miss out on and you too. and me most of all. Because unlike Mehr I once had it and now don't.

Love you more and more and miss you even more.
Chuti-muti

papa,

Dhruv is here. Did you bless him on his way here?

Love
chuti-muti

Dear Papa,

There are so many things that are going to happen in the next few days. We are going to have a new baby and we are going to move into a new house. All these culturally landmark things of our lifetime, for and Bhumi.

I can not imagine that you are not here. Papa do you see us? Do you? I see you and think about you and I can not imagine that in this day and age I do not have any of your voice recordings. I miss hearing it. Mehr and the new one will never get to know you that way other kids have had a chance to.

They do not know how you have been what you were. I still have your letters and that is something that they can get a sense of what it meant to be you. Hopefully.

I will miss you especially in all these times and more.

Love

Papa,

Its Ind vs Aus and its world cup again. We are not dominating anything yet. The game is on and its just the first innings. I really do not want us to loose this game not to Aus. I really want Aus to loose and India to win. Now the power play is on and they are going for it in a big way.

We can probably do with some divine intervention, can you help?

Love
me

Dear Papa,

Its the world cup again and and I am pregnant again (I do however have no plans for carrying on in the same vein!) This is the first world cup without you. India won their first match against Pak and today is their second against SA. Its a fair fight at this point but knowing Indian Bowling we really needed another 20 runs to amp up the pressure.

Anyway these are the things that are more fun when we can talk about it and there is an active exchange about it. I am holding the fort for you. Are you getting to see any of this action papa??
Love you and miss you.

What do you think are the chances now for Ind?

Love
S

Its been two years today.  There are things that I wish and hope that you can see today. I hope that you can see that we are going to have a new member in our family in a few months. I hope you can see us. I hope you know how much you are missed. Your touch, your voice, your smile and your indulgence that I could hear through all these geographical miles between us. That smile in your voice, it made all those miles melt away and if I closed my eyes, then we cold be sitting in the same room sitting across from each other talking.

If only I could still hear your voice, If only you were still here. If only it was different...


I will always love you and you will always live in my memories in my heart through my interactions with Mehr and my interactions with the rest of the world.

Love
Chuti-muti