Dear Papa,
I need help. I need to get to a better place with peace. At times like these I am reminded of who I am and what do I care about, value and stand for.
I value:
I had a weak moment earlier today.
I needed some strength and composure that I was not able to find within myself. I have missed the therapeutic powers of writing. After recognizing that I needed help I asked for help.
There was not a lot of time but somehow I was able to center myself and act in the capacity of force multiplier and not a diminisher.
I believe in narrative identity and I have been thinking about who am I?
And I really started answering it as who I am not...
I am not what I do. Who I am, I bring to whatever I do.
I am someone who embraces the Rookie mindset where learning beats knowing as I ride the growth curve.
A self identified multipotentialite is someone with many interests and creative pursuits
Dear Papa,
I miss you so much today. I feel like I need a hug to take away this cold hard dampness that I am feeling in the center of my being. Thinking of you makes me feel more lonely.
I hope you are happy where you are and at peace!
I miss you dearly everyday. Can you see me from where you are? Are you proud of who I am becoming and the choices I am making?
Please be my strength.
Please be my light.
Lots of love
Chuti-Muti
Dear papa,
I watched 83 again this weekend. The story about India winning the first world cup. This week I also have a lot of memories popping up on FB from 2011 of India's second world cup win. That's the world cup win that we experienced together, from halfway across the world. I am so thankful that we got to do that together.
I miss you papa. You are a part of me, inside me. Help me navigate the next turn. Guide me and bless me.
Love
Chuti-Muti
Dear Papa,
I have been putting off recording this talk for over a week. Today when everyone is asleep I am going to do it. What is important doing is importantly doing badly.
I want to do it well and I want to do it engagingly. Please be my strength. Please be my light.
Love you and miss you
chuti-muti
Dear Papa,
Ashu is here visiting. He is now a big man. Working and hustling all on his own. Working and living in a big city all by himself. Today I asked him if he wanted cinnamon roll and he had it by warming milk and dunking and soaking it in. Aapki Jalebi and Dudh ki yaad aa gayi. Dil bhar gaya.
There are times when you see glimpses of people you live in other people you live. Is that family? Is that love? Is that projecting your context and love? Does it matter what it is?
Pyar ko pyar hi rehne de koi naam na do.
It is my birthday, according to IST. Are you there somewhere papa? Can you see me? Are you watching over me?
I miss you and think about you most days. I keep hearing that this gets better with time. The only thing that got better I think is that tears fall more freely. The knot in the throat is not painful. But that void is still there. I wonder if we meet again what will we talk about?
Did you really love me as much as I remember it?
Could you really read me as well as I think you did?
Does it matter what the truth was or is it more important what I felt and how I remember it?
Chuti Muti
Dear papa,
I miss talking to you. Talking about you. There are things that I want to tell others about you but I fear that I my voice may shake or eyes might spill with emotion and that can be difficult for most people to deal with.
I realize that I will not have any new memories with you. No new quips to chuckle at. This is it.
I also realize how very lucky I am to have known you and seen you and love you and be loved by you. There is an earnestness and authenticity about you that is not common. You always tried to say what you mean and mean what you say. Even if it was not what I wanted to hear. Even when saying the different thing was easier. A lot of people do not do that.
