Dear papa,

Today was a low in many ways. I am so sorry for the way we have been living in a bubble. How could we think that we do not need to face this reality called life. Why is it that nobody cares and nobody mentors me? Do we seem this self sufficient? Do we seem this crazy?
Do we want something better? how can we get something better? Papa please give me the strength and the wisdom to choose the right path and do the right thing. Help me get better in life as a person and as a professional. I miss you.
Love
me

Dear papa,

Today I wrote to Kullu Uncle. He has always been part of my life but through you. It was bitter sweet to write to him directly. I think the only reason I wrote to him is that I can no longer connect with him through you. Why did you go away papa?
I never got a chance to do anything for you, or for anyone else. Now I can not do anything either now that you are so far away. You no longer need the electric blanket. I wanted to be able to arrange a vacation for you and mummy. A big and relaxing vacation.Now you have gone on one all on your own. I hope you are doing well and enjoying yourself. Free from any pain any worry. We all miss you a lot. I have your pictures and your letters till we meet next.
I will always love you papa. Always.

Your Chuti-muti

6-7-13

I miss you papa. It will be six months since I saw you last. Even then it was hardly any talk, I was talking trying valiantly to be strong, and it was not goodbye. It is not good bye. I and here and still love you. Mummy and me were talking about that time, we have seemed to have lost such a lot of time to not have found out what you may have been thinking. What can I do for you? Can I do anything for you? Would you let me know even now if I could?

Please do.

:)

Dear papa,

Guess what it did not have to come to blows at all. Must be your magic. Thank you for being with me always. I love you and will always love you.

You know something, Mehr has fingers just like you and she likes to walk just like you with both hands folded in the back. She is also just the right kind of naughty, I wish you could have seen her now, I think you would have loved her even more. A lot of things that we spoke about I slowly understand in hindsight, Its a good thing I had stored those for later in life in the corners of my brain. They tend t o resurface like old hankies from old forgotten yester-winter coats :)

More later, I am still at work. Lots of love from who else??

Hold my hand

Dear  papa,

I am going to go in for a very important negotiation about my project, probably the most important one. Please give me your blessings. Please do not let me, let myself down. Please help me keep my cool and emotions under my control. This is not going to be easy, it will be tough and difficult all the way through but one thing at a time. I hope you are going to be there holding my hand every step of the way and giving me strength just as you have all these years.

Love you papa and miss you too.
Chuti-muti

Dear papa,

I want to see you one more time. Talk to you one more time. Hug you one more time. Just one more time.
I miss you papa.

Chuti-muti

You know papa, things that I most hate about growing up is the scarcity of people that you can look upto. Coming from me and my perspective as you know how high that is; is extremely disheartening to say the least. I wish there was something that I could do to make things different for myself. Its not that I do not want to respect and trust but both these things need to be earned and most around me are not interested in doing that sort of a thing anymore. You remember how I once said that you did not bring us up to be of this world?? These are one of those times when I would reinstate that.

Anyway I got to be in this world for now and I am still thinking how to go about this whole thing. Should I succumb to the darker basal feelings about getting even with peole? Should I delegate it to god to get even with the perpetrators or what? I would have loved to run these thoughts by you, pata hai? Now you are so far away and I still haven't figured out how to get through to you. But hopefully I will figure something out.

I love you and miss you still.
Love
Chuti-muti