Dear papa,

I want to see you one more time. Talk to you one more time. Hug you one more time. Just one more time.
I miss you papa.

Chuti-muti

You know papa, things that I most hate about growing up is the scarcity of people that you can look upto. Coming from me and my perspective as you know how high that is; is extremely disheartening to say the least. I wish there was something that I could do to make things different for myself. Its not that I do not want to respect and trust but both these things need to be earned and most around me are not interested in doing that sort of a thing anymore. You remember how I once said that you did not bring us up to be of this world?? These are one of those times when I would reinstate that.

Anyway I got to be in this world for now and I am still thinking how to go about this whole thing. Should I succumb to the darker basal feelings about getting even with peole? Should I delegate it to god to get even with the perpetrators or what? I would have loved to run these thoughts by you, pata hai? Now you are so far away and I still haven't figured out how to get through to you. But hopefully I will figure something out.

I love you and miss you still.
Love
Chuti-muti

Dear papa,

Why do people always run you down. No matter how congenial you want to be, they run you down. Why do people feel good only when they run other people down. Without acknowledging your effort? your work? It is not what you feel, It is what they make you feel. Why should you let anyone make you feel bad? I am sure I will come back to this thing as means of just looking and rehatching my choices as an individual that I have made. That I continue to make but there is no such thing as Karma. There is no reward for being goo d in this world. It is just your choice. And more often than not you have to pay for it. Heavily.

Baaki I will save up for later. Love you and MIss you too.

There are times when you are looking for a release. There are times when I want to just cry, look at old photos and read old letters. Cry my heart out. Cry my eyes out. Loosen the knot in my chest that physically hurts. Sometimes it just so happens that I have suppressed this for so long, the tears don't come.
But lately the tears come, I cry and think that there may not be any more left. But there is still no release the knot stays, and it still hurts. A lot.

Its like love, the pain is never ending too.

I will love you always.